Flora Ong talks about why you should be conscious about your subconsciousSep 11, 2022
Flora is a dating and relationship coach and the founder of Redo Love. We had such an interesting conversation. We talk about love, relationships, habits, the power of affirmations, exercise, meditation and much more. Flora’s work is a lot about the subconscious and it was exciting talking with her about the power of connecting with what’s going on inside us.
“I focus on attachment styles in order to help people understand their subconscious motivations so that they can actually find the love that they want and deserve”, Flora explains her work, when we start our conversation. “My mission is to redo the concept of love that people have and have been programmed with and conditioned with, because I think the concept that we have of it causes a lot more anxiety than it does create love and ease and relaxation.”
“Love brings me joy”, Flora
“When I have to look for love, I really look towards my kids”, Flora says. “That pure unconditional love”.
“Sometimes love becomes associated with feelings of inadequacy or feelings of guilt. It's a practice to remind oneself of the unconditional joy that love brings when you let go of all the superficial things”, Flora
Another thing that Flora enjoys and that also allows her to be in that joyful love towards her kids is exercise and meditation. “I have to do that 5 times a week”, Flora says and adds: “In order to be able to tune into that joy, people have to have self-care, for me that’s meditation and exercise”.
When Flora was a health coach, she saw the difference that doing weight training had in her body. Flora’s workout consists mainly of weight training and yoga. “I think we underestimate how important actually building muscle is”, Flora says.
“I’ve been working out for 20 years, it feels good in my body and my body knows it, it’s kind of like coming home every time I do it”, Flora
In terms of meditation, Flora focuses on guided meditations, to ask either a question that she’s struggling with or for a positive affirmation.
“Guided meditations give me a road map, whether it’s to feeling positive for the day or to exploring something that I’m trying to deal with”, Flora
“It’s just brilliant how much wisdom you can extract out of yourself through guided meditation”, Ronja
How do you stay consistent with meditation and exercise?
You get caught up with this whole idea of what you have to do to get to that thing that seems intense or heavy to do and that feels overwhelming. We tend to forget to think about how we feel afterwards, which is really why we do it. If it’s for superficial reasons, it’s not going to work. When you start seeing the actual mental health benefits that exercise and meditation has for you, then you can’t live without it.
The hardest part is that your subconscious mind doesn’t believe that there’s this benefit on the other side, so in the beginning you have to push yourself through the initial process where you don’t see results. That pushing through and getting to the place where it feels good, that is what your subconscious needs in order to believe in the benefits.
Your subconscious is responsible for 95 to 97 percent of every decision you make. You better know what is leading you, because the thing with the subconscious is that it always seeks the familiar. It’s comfortable in the familiar, even if the familiar is not healthy, toxic or not good for you. It always seeks the familiar because it knows how to deal with it.
“You better be friends with your subconscious”, Ronja
A reason why people continuously end up in abusive or toxic relationships is because there is a pattern that forms when they were very young before they can even remember and they now relive this pattern all the time. Their conscious mind understands that it’s not good and not healthy, but the subconscious is comfortable in that environment, because that’s what is known.
“Our standards for communication have fallen so much because of online dating that we’re willing to forget that we can have a normal relationship where you get on the phone and talk or have a real conversation in person. We are now so used to having our relationship through our phone, through texting, through not really properly communicating, that we start to feel like it’s a real relationship, when it isn’t”, Flora explains.
Flora’s program is called “Finding the One”, but spoiler alert: You are the one. The program starts by breaking down what the desperation is about. There’s a lot of work with programming and conditioning: “All of the messaging that you've gotten growing up as a result of your culture and the ideas around love”.
“What we’re really looking for is our ability to generate that happiness for ourselves, that joy for ourself, our ability to see our worth first”, Flora
If you’re willing to accept and deal with the things, you’re more ready to go with the flow, rather than being fixated on that one thing, that one person you think is going to change your life.
“You start realizing that you are asking somebody externally to change what you’re feeling inside and it’s just not realistic”, Flora
You end up sabotaging the relationship because you put up so much pressure on this other person to make you happy. How can you expect something outside of yourself to really make you happy? Once the other person starts feeling that pressure that’s when problems start in a relationship.
“You create your own reality”, Flora
“I have been able through the work that I do to really change the way my mind works and to see the difference to what it was like to be in that negative mindset versus what it’s like now to have the tools to get myself out of it even when my brain does go there. It’s a whole different experience in life”, Flora
“It’s so important to focus on your mindset and the biggest reward is the reality that you’re creating for yourself”, Ronja
“Accountability makes all the difference to stay focused on your self-care and your mental health”, Flora
We talk about how many days it takes to install a new habit and Flora states: “I don’t believe any of it, I believe it is creating healthy boundaries with yourself. The repetition AND emotion create your personality and create your reality. Repetition in itself will create your reality and if there is emotion with the repetition, THAT will really imprint in your neural pathways and that’s how we get conditioned as children”,
“My advice to anybody that is trying to change their mindset is to fill their brain space with as much positive reinforcement as possible”, Flora
During the day Flora listens to podcasts that are either teaching her something that she can learn from or that really delve into a positive mindset.
“If I can give any advice to mums and parents, it's to stay off that youtube and that iPad as long as possible. The longer you can keep them off the screens and keep them learning and developing in natural ways, where you are encouraging their mindsets, the better”, Flora
- Don’t get them on the device
- Build up their confidence as much as possible
“The parental relationship, the love, the self-confidence that parents build up in their lives is going to win over what their children see on television”, Flora
We round up by talking about the sparkles of joy that Flora experiences and sparks throughout the day:
- Affirmations that pop up on the phone every three hours
- Connecting with people throughout the day, whether it’s through work or getting on the phone with a friend or family
“Joy can be quiet or loud”, Ronja
“How you speak to other people and how you speak to yourself is really important because ultimately at the end of the day, words is all you have”, Flora says and adds: “If you’re saying things that you don’t mean and that you’re not going to follow through with, it degenerates your own sense of self as much as it does your own values in that relationship.”
Flora’s message to the world
“A lot of people are afraid of emotion and what I really try to get across in my program is that the negative emotion and the positive emotions are all one thing. It’s all emotion. If you can create space for the negative emotion that we’re all running from and that we don’t want to feel you have that much more capacity for the positive emotion that will ultimately come. It’s all about learning how to ride that wave, up and down and allowing the experience rather than running away”.
This is where you can find Flora online:
- Instagram: @redo.love
- Website: www.redo.love
- Tiktok: @redo_love
Resources we’ve been talking about:
- Gary Vee
- Byron Katie "The Work" (I don‘t find the video that I’m talking about in the episode anymore 🤔 but I like this one: https://youtu.be/Om35C9abRls)
- Abraham Hicks
- Tiktok about text
- Documentary „Caught in the net“
- Flora's 3 favorite guided meditations:
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