Sharitta Marshall talks about how to reconnect with your intrinsic selfAug 11, 2022
Sharitta’s answer to my first and favorite question, how do you create joy? “I create joy in finding things that bring me joy and peace, sticking with those things and losing things that don’t give me peace. I want to live a joyful life, I deserve to live a joyful life”.
“I wake up and I'm like “today’s going to be a great day full of miracles and wonders, I just have to be open to them”, Sharitta
“This wasn’t always me”, Sharitta recalls.
People need to give themselves the space and grace to feel whatever they feel, be it good or bad, up or down. Start asking yourself “why am I feeling this way”. Even if you can’t be honest with anyone else, you have to be honest with yourself. Lying to yourself only destroys who you are.
Sharitta went to therapy and was really honest about her feelings, her traumas, her experiences and in the process realized:. “I’m doing everything for everyone but me and it is exhausting and I don’t want to do it anymore but I don’t know how to stop”.
The first step was to recognize the issue.
First, Sharitta had to learn to create time and space for herself and not give all her energy to her daughter.
“You can’t pour from an empty cup”, Sharitta
Sharitta said that she started embracing the sides that were unique to her and that only she could give that to herself: “I started resting a lot, even in the guilt of resting”, that guilt stopped after she heard the sentence: “Rest is productive”. That is so true!! In finding her own pathway to her intrinsic self, Sharitta realized so many things, how things are interconnected and what a huge role patriarchy, racism, and capitalism, with its urge to constant productivity, and she’s made it her mission to help people, especially women of color, to step out of it and back into themselves.
Things Sharitta tells her daughter:
- Your body belongs to you and no one else
- You don't have to give away your body for anybody’s benefit or joy if you don’t want to
“I think the most important thing I can teach my daughter is to create boundaries, if people aren’t respecting your boundaries, you have to get away from them”, Sharitta says.” If she doesn’t want to hug or kiss me or anybody else, she says no”. That is so important! I try to teach my daughter the same. Learning to set boundaries at an early age is critical.
“I’ve learned not to live my life to make other people comfortable with my existence”, Sharitta
A lot of people do that out of necessity because of their circumstances, but many people do it out of habit and never question their own behavior. That’s where our work comes in. Helping people reconnect with their inner self and listen to their inner voice
A question Sharitta likes to ask, when she starts working with a new client:
“Do you know intrinsically who you are, that doesn’t belong to anyone else, that is not a mother, that is not a sister, a wife, a friend or anything else?”
- Who are you?
- Do you live that everyday?
- Do you feel her everyday?
It’s about the you that you were when you were first born, that didn’t belong to anything or anyone but you. That is who you are. When we go through life our definition becomes external; I’m a business owner, I’m a wife, I’m a this or that. I’m everything to everybody but myself.
You need to remember how to get back to yourself. If you remove all the external factors, who are you?
“Nobody can save you from chaos but yourself”, Sharitta
“Your intrinsic self is the thriving part of you that you’ve always wanted to be”, Sharitta says and that “she’s” always there, you just have to know how to get back there.
“Whenever I choose me, the outcome is great”, Sharitta
People say that it’s selfish to choose yourself first, but if you fall apart, none of this works. Read that again and again and again. If you don’t take care of YOURSELF first, you can’t take care of anything or anybody other either! You need to be on top of your health/wealth/feel good game to contribute to this world. Which doesn’t mean that you have to strive for anything else than joy in your everyday life. That’s the source of joy in the world.
I’ve learned this from my mother. She was always so clear with her decisions and I always could ask her if she’d look after Mika, because she said yes, when she meant yes and no, when she said no. It’s so much easier to get along with people that are clear with their boundaries and that don’t say yes, because they’re expected to say yes, but then they regret their decision or are unhappy or grumpy. Sometimes compromises are okay but most of the time not!
“Your happy and your joy should be your own and not because someone else is doing something”, Sharitta
“Rewiring your brain to be able to do and say what you actually want starts with allowing for grace and space for yourself, nothing else can come from that until that happens. If you don’t allow yourself space to feel whatever you feel it won’t work, because you’re not being honest with yourself. Allowance is honesty”, Sharitta explains. You have to be honest with what you want, what you don’t want, what you’re willing to allow and what you’re not willing to allow.
If you’re thinking right now, well yeah, I just can’t do that or I don’t have the time or the energy or the capacity, ask yourself these questions:
- If you don’t do this, then what?
- If you don’t make this change, how is your life going to be impacted?
- If you don’t stop not allowing grace into your life, how will that be impacted?
- If you don’t reclaim all the pieces of yourself that exist for everything and everyone else, how can you live a fully fulfilled life?
- What’s the worst thing that can happen if you decide to put yourself first?
Sharitta helps her clients find out what is stopping them from being in that joy and in their center. If it’s based on other people, then that’s something you should work on. Other people’s emotions should never impact your own emotions. Sharitta is a big advocate for therapy. If you feel like you can’t manage by yourself, go and get help. That’s not weak, that’s strong! That’s not a shame, that’s something to be proud of!
“Just in understanding your traumas, your triggers, that in itself is complete empowerment. Now you have power over those things and you can dictate how you react to them and to the life situations that trigger you”, Sharitta
Sharitta works holistically and often uses her CBD (Cannabidiol) products in her coaching work. Sharitta handcrafts the products like massage/body oils, pain release balms and personal lubricant.
CBD helps relieve pain and anxiety and essential oils have additional medicinal properties that she uses to create new experiences since “scent is the closest sense to memory”. Sharitta also works with her products to create memories that are connected to good feelings.
Sharitta says that CBD is often misused and stigmatized. Be an advocate for yourself when you purchase CBD online or in the store, ask about the ingredients, where it’s coming from, if there are any laboratory results and look for documentation. If you’re not sure then don’t buy it. Sharitta is certified in CBD and has some frequently asked questions on her website. If you have any other questions, just reach out to Sharitta, she’s open to answer them.
- When was the last time you drank some water?
- What was the last time you took a nap?
Sharitta says she runs into so many people that are dehydrated and don't sleep enough, so these are always her first questions when taking on a new client.
“If you wait until not to be afraid about a lot of things in life, then you won’t do them”, Sharitta
“There are so many great things on the other side of comfort”, Sharitta says and adds: “I’m going to make you feel uncomfortable, but the other side of that is your greatness, you have to be willing to allow for that uncomfort”.
We also talk about the importance of breathing. So often we hold our breaths without even realizing it. The other day I heard in a podcast about the Amygdala, a cluster of neurons in our brain that is apparently (among many other things) responsible for us being in alert mode, and taking just a few deep breaths already helps calm it down and signal that we’re not in danger.
Often we suck in our belly or we wear comfortable clothes to look “better”… “Let people breathe freely”, Sharitta claims.
After all the work you’ll have done, when you finally reconnect with your intrinsic self, it'll be and feel so easy.
You’ll trust yourself - when your instinct says yes or no, you know that this is it and that the outcome from that yes or no will be for your benefit. It won’t be a decrement to anyone else from you saying no, it won’t be a decrement for anyone including yourself to say yes.
Going through life trusting yourself, trusting your instinct, knowing that you will do what is right by you gives you such a power and allows for so much more ease, because you don’t have to overthink things all the time. You can just make a decision, be okay with it and then move on.
It sounds like a dream but it’s possible!
The world will be a better place because we take care of ourselves.
Prioritizing ourselves is not selfish. It is our gift to the world to center ourselves because from beingness we give the greatest part of ourselves to the world, whether we recognize it or not. When I can show up in my life as my most authentic and joyous self, that is a gift to this world.
Sharitta’s message to the world
“If you’re ever wondering what your intrinsic self is, ask yourself If there was a Universe in which you existed and you did whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted, what would your life look like and how would you feel. That’s your intrinsic self. That is your authentic self. So go find her.”
Such powerful words! Yes! Let’s all connect with our intrinsic self and regain that wisdom that is living within us ever since. You don’t have to look for it anywhere other than within you. Isn’t that so good to know?
And if you need help, you’ll have me or Sharitta or whomever you choose to walk on this wonderful path with you as you coach.
Find Sharitta here:
Never miss a episode!
Inspiring blog posts, the joyometer and the latest podcast episode,
delivered to you in my joy letter. : )
I hate SPAM. I will never sell your information, for any reason.