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The only communication skill you need

Sep 28, 2023

Are you aware that you’re constantly talking to yourself? Not in a mad way, I mean that voice in your head that comments everything you do as in:

  • You’ve overslept and the inner voice says; 
    • You'll never get your life together like that.
  • You’ve forgotten to buy flour but promised to bring a cake to tonight’s party and the inner voice says; 
    • Well, you’ll have to buy a cake again, they won’t be surprised anyway. 
  • You pass a shop window and see yourself in the mirror and the inner voice says; 
    • These pants fit you really well! It would do no harm to lose some weight though. 

And on it goes. Are you aware of that ever present voice? Are you aware of the tone it speaks to you? I do say “it” and not “you” because this is where the key lies on how to turn the voice that’s criticizing more often than not into a kind and supportive voice.

By detaching your sense of self from the voice that feels like being the presenter of the show called “your life” you give it less power. That is as simple as it sounds, although - as the inner critical (or even mean) voice fears for its job which I’m pretty sure you never gave it on purpose! - it might take some time (and practice!) to go from criticizing to supporting. The solution is not to give the nagging inner voice the boot but to give it the chance to become the supportive voice itself. Does this sound a bit too abstract? It’ll get real practical right now.

So how to get the inner voice to communicate differently? 

  1. Be the observer: 
    1. Try to become aware of the inner voice without feeling frustrated about it, without judging or trying to ignore it.
  2. Find patterns:
    1. If you feel that you’ve gotten more familiar with the talk that’s going on inside you, try to find patterns, for example; Every time you see yourself in a reflection, you get a nasty comment about your body or every time you go to bed too late you get a complaining comment that now you won’t be able to get up early enough to do yoga. This will allow you to spot the comments early enough.
  3. Establish new patterns:
    1. As you’ve practiced to be the non judging observer of the inner voice, try now to catch the inner voice when it starts to talk, neutrally saying something like “hey, I’ve been working on my communications skills and I’d like us to try something new, why don’t you say “well it got too late again, but let’s try to get up a bit earlier to do some movement anyway”? 
  4. Be curious and open:
    1. This is all happening inside you so you can try anything out whether you find it super silly or really helpful. You don’t owe anyone an explanation on what you’re doing and nobody will know about it! 

My invitation to you is to treat it not dead serious but see it as a fun game. This allows for mistakes and repetition without encouraging the inner voice to criticize that as well. Try to go about it in a light and joyful way.

I’ve titled this text “the only communication skill you need to learn” because when you’re in a loving and positive relationship with your inner voice, you are able to use it to your advantage. Everything feels lighter and gets easier, including the communication with other human beings.

Your inner voice affects your mood, your thoughts, your motivation, your stamina, your view of yourself, your view of the world, your patience, your feelings … it literally affects everything.

Let’s take the example with the cake that I’ve introduced at the beginning.

Imagine you’ve bought the cake and you’re at the party. You secretly want to put the cake on the buffet so that nobody notices that it’s yours when a colleague appears by your side, acting surprised: “Ah, I see that you bought a cake at “Lazy But Delicious”, I thought you wanted to try that recipe that Kim shared the other week?” Before you can answer anything the inner voice snorts: “See, I told you! You're such a failure!" You mumble a half-hearted explanation and trott off. Your mood is at its lowest point and you fear that others will make comments too.

Now let’s turn the tables.

You put the cake on the buffet, commenting inwardly - nobody can complain because “Lazy But Delicious” makes really tasty cakes - when that colleague approaches and makes the same comment as before. You smile friendly and say: “Yeah, I said that. This time this cake has to make the cut though.” You leave him standing there, stroll to a group of friends and enjoy the party. Your inner voice doesn’t even need to comment or maybe it says: “Good answer, buddy, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. They will love that cake anyway!”

Do you see how everything changes when the words of your inner voice change? It doesn’t matter what you see, what you experience or what others say to you; your inner voice can be your best support, always there for you and always in your favor.

That’s why at Joy Academy you learn how to turn your inner voice into your supportive and kind “best friend” that empowers you to make changes instead of feeling stuck in situations and criticizing yourself because of it.

If you want to get that inner support for a lifetime, I invite you to embark on this one year journey today at

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