Why my husband lets me down on invitations…Jun 21, 2023
“I’m not a gorilla that you can show around!” Wooow, Mister Sakata, ookeeey.
I learned a lot about how to choose to go or not attend a party from my darling husband but let me start a little earlier than the gorilla-comment:
When we were freshly married he came along with me for brunches and dinners, weddings and other parties for some months “as I expected it to be normal”, as we are a couple, right!? Ken was working in a restaurant so not always was his work schedule allowing to attend events which took place on weekends and that was ok for me, of course.
When the wedding season picked up within our friends circle we got invitation after invitation every year. For about 6 weddings my husband still “behaved like I expected it to be normal” until he made an announcement to me:
“Listen. First, I’m not coming to these boring services and incredibly long parties anymore. Second, we’ll never have this big fat wedding you’re dreaming of. Well, you can have it, but I’m not attending. You can take the phone into the church or another guy, but I’m off fishing.” Boom. That was maybe 15 years ago?
I told him that he “has to come to the weddings because he’s my husband”... His answer: “I’m not a gorilla that you can show around.”
I don’t remember our discussion after that BUT I remember how I slowly changed my point of view about “who has to do what as a partner/spouse” just because society expects this from us.
First I had to adjust. But I knew I love parties, I love people so if I wanted to go, I GO. Going alone is just a new thing and that’s ok.
I must say the “hard thing” was to assure everyone that everything was ok with us when I attended a wedding on my own. Then I felt the amazing freedom of enjoying the party for how long and wherever with whomever I wanted without the “couple”-train. I could talk for hours with somebody and discuss everything and anything without thinking of my man. I felt free and independent.
Don’t get me wrong. I feel free and independent in our relationship anyway. We are not each other's “better half” of “other half”. We are having our own beautiful lives without each other AND together we’ve built our Sakata-Universe where we love to hang out and celebrate life with the two of us - since Mika joined us, also the three of us - AND with friends and family.
The point is, that I learned from Ken to honor your own feelings. Not liking small talk and not liking a lot of people you don’t know is a valid thing to make a decision to NOT attend a party or wedding you don’t want to go to.
When did you ignore your own feelings the last time and you attended a party and you just felt like: “I want to go hooooome!”? May you be inspired by my distinct husband who decides within seconds if it’s a YES or a NO for him when the invitation arrives. AND he would never say: Oooh, stay home with me, don’t go without me. Instead he says: “Have fun and tell them I say hello!”
I learned that this is the wisest decision to make for yourself for each and every event where you have a choice: If it’s a hell YES, you go. If it’s a no, it’s a no. You are doing yourself the biggest favor AND also for the party it’s so much better if the ones who don’t want to be there stay home.
That means that if you see me at your party : ) I REALLY want to be there. I enjoy everything to the fullest and if I want to go home or to bed, I will do so. If you see KEN at your party, you must be a very special person as he prefers very little gatherings and he loves to be alone.
Finding the courage to make bold decisions which come from your heart and soul, not your head and which are not driven from outside expectations seems impossible to you? Or really hard?
In the Joy Academy you learn to listen to and honor your desires so that you can make clear decisions and enjoy life the way YOU want. You’ll learn how to instead of always saying 'yes' out of habit, let your 'no' mean no and your 'yes' mean yes so you can step out of people pleasing and into integrity with who you truly are and want to be.
If you want to build your self-trust, your confidence and find the power to do your life YOUR way from within, join Joy Academy!
Book a call with me, if you want to discuss your questions to find out if this year-long guided journey is the perfect fit for you. I'll help you make the decision and YOU decide.
Sending you lots of loooove from very summery Switzerland, I’m sure Ken says hi too 🙂
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